Thursday, December 5, 2013

Farts

From the Eyes of a Mountain Bum,

   "Sup brotha-man?" T-Sloan pipes.
   "Oh, goin' out to tha snow cave." Brotha-man merrily replies.

Now its time for Mountain Dictionary Edition 2013 Revised.

Chunder ball: N. A giant block of ice, usually at the bottoms of Cat-Tracks, dangerous if encountered without reaction time.

Canadian Thanksgiving: P.N. It's in October.

Core Shot: When a rock busts through the base layer of your skis or board. 2. Getting shot by a gun in the midsection.

   Here I sit at the Employee Lodge of Mt. Baker Ski and Snowboard area. I had to work today, but we once again have terrible snow conditions so we are not busy, hence the had. However, working here is not about the work, but the perk. Going out every day to catch some pow-turns, drop some cliffs, or just jovially gallivant and traverse the varying terrains the mountain has offer on your skis or your snowboard. I digress.
   I came here with nothing but a heart, a soul, a mind, and a body. Upon arrival the kindness of others has begun hitting me like ocean waves. In a week and a half, I am fully equipped to snowboard whenever I want/get the chance too. Thus far, I have gone out 3 times and have damn learned a lot! First things first, don't put your hands down to fall, you'll break your wrist. Second, your ass will hurt if you do the first correctly. Third, when you begin to fall harder, your learning a lot faster...
   That last line brings up my first lie. Well, not really a lie, just a time out of time thing (I mean, if I wrote this blog sooner, it wouldn't be a lie, but because of "time" I guess I lied). I am NOT fully equipped to be riding this mountain, I need one more item. Yesterday I smashed my face going quite fast into a heelside turn, instead caught my toe edge of the snowboard, thus making me gain super powers as I Super Maned right onto my face and chest, knocking the wind out of me and making me think semi funny thoughts, aka a bit delirious. SO, after I managed  to get back up and ride the rest of the way down to the Raven Hut (backcountryesk lodge), I strolled in to find some friends kickin it, warming up, and getting coffee. We shared our daily riding stories and VOILA! Lucas, an Australian who moved to Glacier (closest town) offered to hook it up with his helmet an his old boots (I am currently rockin some mid-90's Airwalks). BAM! Now this brain of mine won't get too scrambled!
   Alright alright alright alright WHATEVER ALREADY. If you love snowboarding or skiing and your stuck in Wisconsin and you think you need an actual mountain to ride. I suggest finding one, moving there as an employee, living on the mountain, and riding as much as possible. you will progress more than you ever have. Plus, you get to meet some of the craziest cool cats ever. Every day is story time, If that means listening to one, telling one, or creating one, it is eye opening and mind blowing.
   So you snow heads out there, strap your balls on and make some moves son. Or strap your boobs on, to you beautiful women, but ya know, not being sexist, it's just, ya know, like, works better with balls... I mean, harumph sigh. Sorry.

Sorry this was a pretty lame post. The mountain life out here is so awesome that I have to balance it by making it less cool on the introwebs. Now go give a stranger a hug, buy the next person in line their coffee order, and snag that handicap spot you've always wanted!

Karma Cheers,
    Joey "WISCONSIN" Michels
 Keepin the gear safe, mouser ftw
 Mt. Shukstan

 Dorms anyone?





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